My first time...

I recently read a blog written by a friend of a close friend of my own, and thought I would try it out myself. Why not, right? If anything, it's a different avenue for me to vent my feelings/frustrations/etc without my poor friends having to listen to me whining all the time! Now I can just send them the link and they can read it if they choose, or simply delete it if they're not in the mood for me and my problems.

That said, I am thinking that this whole blog thing will be a great thing for me...maybe I can learn a little about myself, others, give some insightful advice without meaning to, blah, blah, blah.

I learned from reading "Good Apple" that I, too, am learning to like myself. Slowly, in bits, day by day...but I am growing into myself. Sounds kinda funny, hey? I am learning a lot of things that I never knew...that I am an overly emotional person, and there is nothing that anyone can say or do to change that. I am what I am...it may not always work in my favor, but I have finally realized that I will not be made to feel bad for yelling or crying or pouting. That's how I want to react, and like it or not, I'm going to react that way no matter what. I would be lying to myself and to everyone else if I kept my emotions in check just for the sake of not causing an argument. And really, who likes to be lied to? :)

I've also learned that I need to be loved...it's a plain and simple fact. Not just by my lover, but by my family, friends, co-workers, god knows who else. I like to love people in return, too, as all of my family & friends know. I am what they call a people pleaser. At times, it has caused me more stress than my poor self can handle, but that will not change the fact that I like to make people happy. I hate confrontation (contrary to Tim's belief) and I will do pretty much all I can to say yes to someone. At least, I used to...I've had a revelation this week that I have to come first. In the end, I am all I have. So why would I not look after myself first and foremost? Sounds like a simple question with a simple answer, but all you pleasers out there know that it's not. I am always running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to make it to this party, this bar, do this project at work - but sometimes I just want to stop in the middle of the road and stomp on my cell phone until it lies in bits on the pavement, and yell "I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE!!" We've all been there, when you just feel pulled in all directions by 346 people all at the same time...but now, at the ripe old age of 25, I know that I do not have to do that ALL the time anymore. My family & friends are finally starting to realize this as well...I will still be the same person if I don't go and get fall-down-drunk with you. I will still love you just as much if I can't call you every second day. Honest, I will!! Just sometimes I need a change of pace, away from the crazy ideal of the perfect friend/girlfriend/granddaughter that I try to live up to every day of my life. If I stay at home on a Friday with a good book or a Blockbuster rental, it's no big deal. Just take it for what it is...a girl that needs a moment to herself before she ends up going on a crazy killing rampage! ;-)

K, I'm going to stop now...I really must get back to work.