Time for the Date Doctor?

I've done a lot of thinking about relationships lately - what I am looking for, what I'm excited for, what I'm willing to tolerate.

It's been a few weeks of introspection now, brought on mainly by the wedding of the summer. All around me, friends of mine are finding that special someone that they choose to share their lives with. They're pledging their commitment, settling down, starting families of their own...and while I am genuinely happy for all of them, I can't help but feel a twinge of...something*...wondering when, or if, I'll follow along the same path.

This past weekend, while out in BC with some dear friends, we talked a lot about it all. I was with two couples, both of whom have dealt with some pretty dicey situations between them as of late. Yet, regardless of everything that's taken place, they have chosen to power through, fight for their love and the life that they share, emerging from the turmoil stronger than ever.

I witnessed a few tender moments pass between them, and I couldn't help but smile and long for my own version of "us". Yet, while I sit there and think about how nice it would be to have that someone sitting next to me, it freaks me out, and I can't seem to figure out why. I have never been a commitment-phobe type of gal...I've been in three fairly long term relationships (five years, three years, one year) so I know that it's in me.

I know that I am wary of getting hurt again, and also of settling for a relationship that isn't quite right. I will never again be involved with someone who I am not 100% happy with. Don't get me wrong, I know that relationships are not always sunshine and rainbows. The plain and simple fact is that most of the time, they damn well should be. With all of this dating I've been doing, you'd think that someone with the right qualities might have come along by now.

Nope.

There's been a handful of guys that, if I were the settling type, would make fantastic partners...but there's always been that little something missing. No spark, no butterflies, no zsa-zsa-zsu. The thing that has been the most difficult to deal with is having fantastic conversations with guys on the phone, or over e-mail, the kind where everything seems perfectly lined up for a lifetime of white picket fences and 2.5 kids..and then, you meet in person and feel absolutely nothing.

I was going somewhere with this, but I got sidetracked as per usual...my original point has been lost. Basically, I am sick to death of meeting all these guys and having to make a good impression, only to have it not go anywhere. Even when it is my choice to not pursue it, it's just starting to feel like a lot of work. More than I am willing to deal with right now.

Maybe it's time for a dating hiatus....or not. We'll see.

*I say "something" as it's not jealousy that I'm feeling. It's more of a longing, I suppose, for someone that I can share my day and all of it's little intimacies with.