I need your wise advice, internets...here's the scenario - and yes, it involves a girl and a boy.
Let's say you've been dating this guy, who you met via an online dating site. You started talking back at the end of August, it was sporadic for a while, then second week into September, it became daily...it then progressed to four hour long phone conversations for a week straight. You met in person about two and a half weeks ago, and since then you talk/text numerous times a day, every day. You've been on about 6 dates, 4 of which have been sleepovers. Things seem to be going really well, and you find yourself growing quite fond of him.
Then today, you log into your online dating profile to re-read the messages that started it all. OK, fine, not really...you wanted to read the e-mails, but you also wanted to check out his profile, see if it's still kicking around.
Well, not only is it still kicking around, the profile name has changed (you know this because his messages are still in your inbox, just saved under his new profile name! Bet he doesn't know that!) There's a lot more info on it, as well...AND new pictures! You instantly see red and wonder WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Here's where it gets tricky...you haven't exactly been a stranger to the dating site yourself, although your profile is the exact same as it was when you first started chatting. Also, there has been no talk of exclusivity between the two of you, although the more you hang out, the more it seems that that's the direction it's headed. There's been intimacy (a lot of it), which to you, implies that you are (or at least should be) the one and only who's getting that, uh, treatment. Not to mention that clandestine (yet drunken!) make out session you took part in this past weekend...with a boy who was NOT online guy. Yes, you know...hello, kettle...hello, pot...
So, with all of the above information...how do you handle it? Is it time to have the "what are we" conversation? Do you ask him right out where you stand? Or ask him right out if he's dating/sleeping with other people? Do you call him on the fact that you saw he's changed his profile? Do you act all sneaky and write to him as someone else? (I know that last one is out of the question, but come on, it crossed at least some of your minds...right?)
If there were ever a time for you to speak up, it's now!!
What would you do???
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
6 comments:
Tell him you saw he updated his profile and go from there. His reaction (and hopefully the ensuing conversation) should tell you all you need to know.
this is the part where you begin to have mature, adult converstaions about your relationship.
he is aware that you can look at his profile anytime so I do not consider this "sneaking"
consider this your chance to establish something more with him, other than the great sleepovers.
Perhaps you can begin a real, honest, open, exclusive relationship.
all you have to do is talk to him and be honest.
I forget to wish you luck with your conversation!
I am sure that it all will work out as you hope, if you have such strong feelings for him.
Have faith!
Bring it, let him know how you *really* feel about it, and see where it goes. We'll need an update!
so the mature thing to do would probably to have a dtr (define the relationship). but in all honesty what i would probably do is to find that NOT online guy (and maybe other guys in general) and have a few more makeout sessions. yes, hello, kettle... hello, pot.
i guess this is the part where i say that just 'coz you seem to be having a real good connection with someone doesn't mean that he's not out there dating other girls. i went round digging in my archives for a post i did some time ago...
http://thequirkyalone.blogspot.com/2006/05/rules-to-live-by.html
well happy dtr-ing or dating around haha!
OR . . . .
you ask him if he's cool with you seeing other guys.
one of two things might happen.
1) he freaks out cuz he doesn't want to share or lose a good thing (that's you), or
2) he thinks that's cool--in which case you know where you stand and can either dump his sorry ass or keep it superficial.
Post a Comment