So, I’m pretty sure I am officially what you might consider a wingnut.

I had my heart broken not too long ago. It sucked hard. It all came down to the fact that he had no idea what it was that he wanted. He wanted me, but he didn’t know how to make it happen in his own little world. I dealt with it for four long months. I had made up my mind long ago that come February 1, if no decision had been made, that I would make the decision myself. I did this. I said goodbye to him, and moved on to find greener pastures.

The problem is, I’ve found greener pastures. Now, most of you might read and think “WTF!?! She’s found greener pastures, what the hell is her problem?”

Well, my problem is that the pastures are TOO green. They’re blindingly emerald in their greenness. So green they make leprechauns jealous, in the whole you’re amazing, I adore you, you’re beautiful, you’re an angel, 24-7, please make it stop kinda way. To me, some of the things he says are borderline cheesy. Add that to the fact that I am not used to this sort of treatment, and it makes for a very uncomfortable me, a me who is now seriously doubting her previous desire for commitment.

I have looked for this for years…the kind of guy that, well, adores me. Now I’ve found it, and I’m complaining about it like a whiney little bitch. What is freaking wrong with me?

He’s a great, great guy. He’s kind, thoughtful, handsome, funny…I love spending time with him, I love watching him with my dog. Yet, there’s something that is just not there. There’s something missing. Some little spark. I’m attracted to him, but not in the same way that I’ve been attracted to people in the past. It’s not the whole I-want-to-rip-your-clothes-off-the-minute-you-walk-in-the-door kind of attraction, and quite frankly, that’s what I’ve become accustomed to. I miss that. I miss him.

I just wrote that last sentence without even thinking. My issue is now clear to me. Me thinks I’ve moved on too fast, that obviously I have not let go of the emotions that I thought were long gone. Oh boy, quite the pickle I’ve got myself into now. What the hell do I do? Do I approach the subject and let him know what I’m dealing with? Do I ask him to cool it with the overload of affection until I get my head on straight? Do I act like nothing is wrong and deal with it on my own time? I need to be fair to him, he knew nothing of this. I can’t compare the two of them, they are two very different people, but I find myself doing it time and time again.

How do I manage to get myself in these situations time and time again?

Ack. I need some serious help.