Will you go out with me?

Lately, I’ve been going on dates. A lot of dates. I think I’ve been on about eight first dates in the past month and a half.

Thing is, I’ve never dated before in my life. EVER. I’ve always managed to meet my boyfriends through friends or co-workers.

Notice how I said boyfriends? That’s because I guess I’m what you’d call a “serial relationshipper,” if there were such a term. In the past, I meet a guy, we click, and then we end up dating for at least three months. It’s just the way it’s always been.

Since The Boy and I broke up about seven months ago, I’ve been pretty much single (except for the relationship that wasn’t really a relationship with the biggest douche bag ever). I’ve enjoyed it a lot, but found that at the end of January, I was missing some of the finer aspects of having a male around (and no, I’m not just talking about S-E-X). So, being the brave and fearless soul that I am, I decided to venture into the online dating world (cringe if you want, I did at first). Hence the reason I’ve been a dating machine.

It’s been an experience so far…I’ve met a few really nice guys, I’ve met some odd ducks. The very first guy I met in person was amazing at first…and then after Day 4, he started to plan our Christmas together, talked about taking me out east to meet his mom, etc. He even mentioned marriage and kids. I’m not kidding. While for some people, that might work, I don’t really like to get engaged after a week of knowing someone. It was pretty difficult for me to tell him he was moving too fast for me…I tried to be really nice about it, but he just wasn’t getting it. When I got back from Mexico (about a month after I said goodbye to him) I had an e-mail saying he still thinks of me every day and really hopes we can work it out. I haven’t answered.

My second date, I was a mess for two days beforehand. Jittery, nervous…I almost didn’t go. He was a firefighter, and turned out to be a very nice guy. We had dinner, then went for drinks, then walked my dog. We chatted back and forth for a bit, and then it just dwindled down to nothing. I was kind of upset at first, but got over it quickly…I was thinking that we’d hit it off immediately and all would be shiny and glowy and happily ever after. Not so much.

I went for coffee with one guy who left after about fifteen minutes because he just wasn’t “feeling it”. He literally almost ran out of Starbucks. That one kinda stung a bit.

My first date with another guy was to a wedding. A very small, intimate wedding that consisted of family and a few close friends. Strange, I know. He took offense when I bowed out of the group wedding photo. I tried to explain that I didn’t want to be that girl in their wedding photos that no one knew ten years down the road, and he mumbled something about how that didn’t bode very well for his chance at a second date. I guess I should have known then that I wasn’t feeling a connection.

There’s been drinks with a couple more which have led to nothing else, a movie last night with another, and e-mails/texting back and forth with a handful of others.

Point of the story is…dating is TIRING. Especially when you’ve never done it before. Rushing home from work, getting all dolled up. Being on your best behavior (kinda), having to be witty and charming all the time, trying to remember the little things that they tell you in case you make it to Date Number Two. Then there’s the part I hate the most…the dreaded end of the night. Is he going to kiss me? How about now? How’s my breath? Seriously, dude, are you going to make a move or not? What if he’s not a good kisser? What if there’s no physical chemistry? Sometimes I think my head is going to explode.

Yet, I keep on going on awkward first dates, because one day, we’ll make it through to Date Number two and it will be fantastic.

I just know it.