Stop!!

Why is that when things start to get comfortable, I start to doubt every little thing? It’s been over 2 months now, with it starting to get pretty serious in the past month or so. After spending an entire weekend with the boy, only being apart for his 2 rounds of golf and a concert on Sunday night, things are pretty damn comfortable between us now. It’s a good thing, don’t get me wrong…but I can’t help but miss waking up in the middle of the night reaching for each other. It’s still happening, just not every night like it did at the beginning. And I know that’s normal because now that we know that we’re a couple, it’s a lot harder for it to just go away now, and we know it’s there for us whenever we need it.

The butterflies are still there, I still get giddy at the thought of seeing him, and we have so much fun when we hang out with each other, but I just don’t know how I feel about the fact that we’ve somewhat fallen into a routine already. Maybe it’s just me…after spending 4 whole days with ANYONE, you’re bound to get a little stir crazy and want some alone time, and I think that last night we finally got to that point. That coupled with the fact that he got to see me grumpy for the first time since we’ve started out and I’m not sure if he knew how to deal with that – I think it was just an eye opener that we still need some quality time for ourselves.

It’s funny, because normally it’s me that wants to hang out 24-7 when I start to find myself falling for someone. This time it’s him that is wanting that. Correction – I am wanting it as well, but he is the one that vocalizes that want. Of course I agree because I love being with him, but I know from past experience that too much time spent together can lead to problems, neediness, etc. And I don’t want that, because I am really into this guy and would like to see it go somewhere.

I hate having this feeling of doubt in the back of my head and my heart…but then again, I know it’s just me, because I am famous for worrying about things when there is absolutely no need for me to think that way. I guess in the past year, with all of the dating I’ve done, that this, historically, is the point where things kind of start to disintegrate. And I don’t want that to happen this time. But if I keep up thinking this way, what other way can it go?

I mean, Thursday night I sat with his best friend and some of the guys that he works with, and they all told me how they’d never seen him like this with anyone, and that I am so good for him, and that he’s so happy with me. He and I  sat Friday night and he was talking about wanting to be here for my birthday (at the end of December), and that he thinks I should meet his parents. So really, it doesn’t seem like I have much to worry about, yet I cannot stop it because it’s all I’ve known. I know logically that this relationship is not the same as ones I’ve been in the past, so I know I need to stop this nonsense ASAP.

Sometimes it just feels good to ‘talk’ about it and get it all out of my head for it to make more sense to me. I hope it starts to make sense sometime soon, because I hate feeling this way. Especially when it’s someone that I care about, someone that I know cares for me.

Whoever said love is never easy sure was right.