It only gets better from here

Today was a good day.

I had an appetite for the first time in a week ( I have lost 8 lbs. in a week...not healthy, I know! you don't have to tell me that, but I really just couldn't eat a thing).

I had a real belly laugh with friends.

And... I saw the Boy. It went well - I had to get a dress that was at his house, so I asked him to bring it to me. We went back and forth over e-mail yesterday and today - some of it was good, some of it was really bad. In the end, I went to his office this afternoon and met with him. It was short and sweet, but it was oh so good.

He looked like he was uncomfortable seeing me, but in a good way. He looked like he was hurting. I made sure I looked super hot. ;O) We had a quick chat, he went in for what I thought was a hug, but I did not respond, and then we said our goodbyes. I made sure to wiggle my ass while I walked away, and he called to me as I left, saying that he would call me next week when he was back in town. It hurt to see him, but it also felt good to know that he is hurting as much as I am.

Friends told me not to see him, that it would just bring me back down to where I started. But it did the opposite. As I walked away from him, I had a huge smile on my face. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't taking pleasure in his hurt, as I still love him and hate to see him that way, but in all his e-mails he acted so tough and made me feel like I was being "silly" as he put it. It was nice to see that he's not as tough as he makes himself look.

I came home tonight and started to pull my life back together. I did laundry, made myself a healthy dinner, ate most of it, and then started to clean the pigsty that I have lived in since it all happened. I talked to my mom, I talked to some good friends, and I felt better.

I'm hoping that tonight I'll finally get a good night's sleep, waking rested and ready to take on the day. I have plans with friends tomorrow night, we'll get drunk and silly and catch up on missed weeks together, and I'll feel even better.

It still hurts like a mother, but I know that I will get through this, and that I WILL be better. Even if he doesn't call, and even if this is really the end of us as a couple...I will be better.

And THAT is the happiest thought I've had in the past seven days.