Taking a breather

The past two weeks have been full of self analysis. I've remembered what it's like to do the things that I never did with him around. I've rekindled friendships that I'd let fall to the wayside so that I could spend more time with him. I've met some interesting new people, who I am so not ready for, but are still nice to meet nonetheless. I've spent a lot of time laughing and truly enjoying life's little moments.

Most importantly, I'm learning to be 'me' again. Not me with him, not me that does the things he likes to do...just me. I can eat Chef Boyardee for dinner, and chips and dip for lunch. I can watch hours of Sex and the City without having to listen to anyone gripe about it. I can walk around with unwashed hair and no makeup and not give a shit. I can skip a day at the gym and not feel the tiniest twinge of guilt.

It's been a time of healing, and although I am not fully healed, I am doing a lot better than I would have predicted a month ago when all this went down. I still have my moments when sadness washes over me like a tidal wave, I still get sad when I hear that special song or watch a show that we used to enjoy. It's been hard to break some of the routines that we shared over the past year, but I realize that some of them are mine, not ours, and I've just been putting a different spin on them, making them unique to me, something that *I* enjoy and will continue to enjoy WITHOUT him.

I still miss him every day, and the past few days I've been dying to write and ask how he is. I won't. It's been just over two weeks since I last spoke with him...a drunken moment on September 11th, sitting in a hotel room by myself. I left a message, he called right back with concern in his voice, asking if I was OK. We chatted briefly, he told me to turn off the TV and go to bed, and that he'd talk to me once I got back into town. I haven't heard a peep from him, and I don't expect to. Even that doesn't hurt as much as it did.

I take every day in stride...I smile when I want to, and let myself be sad when I need to, within reason. There's a ten minute rule to the sadness. Mope for ten minutes, then move on to something new, and remember that this is for the best, because now that the initial shock and heartache has passed by, the fog has lifted and I can see that we were truly not meant to last. I knew this while we together, but always thought things would change. Call it a moment of clarity that was long overdue.

Things are good. Actually, things are really good. I have no complaints. I am OK, and I will always be OK. Everything happens for a reason. One door closes, another one opens. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.

Cliches: A Girl's Guide to Getting Through a Break-Up.
What would we do without them? ;-)