The art of uncertanity

I just spent the last 24 hours with the man, and it was wonderful. We shut off our phones, lazed around, ate junk food, watched movies - pretty much camped out in my room. We talked a lot, about important things and about nothing at all. We laughed a lot, we joked a lot. We talked about world issues, movie stars, music, favorite movies, and a million other things.

I had to literally force him to get up so I could go and make my dinner/bowling date with my brothers, even though all I wanted to do was fall back on the covers and doze off with him beside me. After I dropped him off at his truck, I began to go through the analyzing that I typically do. And I HATE myself for doing that. There was absolutely nothing that happened over the past day that would make me think any of the things that came to my mind, yet I still continue to do it, much like my previous post. And it confuses the hell out of me.

I suppose I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm waiting to get hurt like I so typically have in the past year. And I have just GOT to stop doing this to myself. My friggin motto is "love like you've never been hurt", for christ's sake, but I just seem to be having one hell of a hard time with it. I guess it's because I really like him, and I just don't want him to turn out to be one of "those guys". I love the fact that he makes me happy no matter what, and that he's considerate of me and my feelings all of the time, and that we can spend time together and it's like we've known each other for years.

Bah!! I need to buck up and get over myself and my stupid insecurities and just let this one progress the way that it's supposed to, without forcing the issue or making a big deal out of nothing just because I am being stupid. He likes me, I know he does - he's told me that, his friends have told me that.

Why, oh why, is that not enough for me? I guess because for me to not be uncertain about things, I need to be right out told what is going on in someone's head, yet I have to realize that not everyone is the type of person to talk about every little feeling that they have.

So I will focus on the happy moments of the past month, which they all are, and try not to think about "what if". Because no one needs to burden themselves with anything other than the here and now. It sure isn't any way to live.