Proud to be me

I think for the first time in my life, I know what I am willing to deal with in a relationship. After a year of being on my own (for the most part, anyways) I have come to know myself - my wants, my likes, my limits. It still might take me a while to step up to the plate and make any changes that I need to make, but I know how I want to be treated and if that can't be met, then I'm walking.

I had a chat with the boy last night...one of 'those' chats. I initiated it, as I was frustrated and needed to know WTF was going on. How he felt, where he saw this headed. I didn't get a lot of the answers I was hoping for, but that didn't upset me too much. If nothing else, I stood up for myself. I spoke my mind. I let my 100% true feelings be known. I laid all of my cards on the table. And it felt fantastic.

I did concede somewhat, graciously giving him time to think about what he really wants. But I am not a hardass, so that is to be expected from me. However....I am not giving him weeks and weeks to string me along while he makes up his mind. I've given myself a deadline as to when I'd like to hear his thoughts...and if he does not meet it (he has no idea when it is) or I do not like what he has to say, then I am going to walk away and find me someone who genuinely wants to get with this.

Sure, I'll be sad, as I honestly do want this to work out between us. I like him a lot. He makes me laugh. At the beginning he was very attentive and had no problem showing me how he felt. Enough of that, though, that's not what this post is about.

So, yeah, I'll be sad for a while, but I'll get over it. I've gotten over greater loves in my life than this, ones that have crushed me and taken away my zest for life for months on end. Each time I grow stronger, and learn more about myself. I will do the same this time. I'll have a good cry, I'll hate him for a while, feel sorry for myself, worry about my future....and then I'll let it go and go on with enjoying my life.

That is the amazing part. If this had happened to me a few years ago, I would not have had this almost adult-like attitude towards a potential break-up. I would have moaned and groaned and swore off all males for the rest of my life. I would have drank my face off, called him up, told him what a prick I thought he was.

Now? I'm dealing with this in such a mature manner that it's even freaking me out a little bit.
But that's what makes me so proud to be me. I have grown, and this is the first time that I've actually realized it.

Yay, me!