Anonymous Letters

Dear Cat,
If you don't stop waking me up at 2 am every morning, I am going to take you down the highway and drop you off for the coyotes to eat you.

Dear Dog,
Please stop whining. I don't know what is wrong with you. You have food, water, treats, long walks. And no more peeing on the carpet cuz you're pissed off. It smells really bad.

Dear Snow,
Don't come back anymore. I am sick of you already.

Dear Work,
Bite it. Hard.

Dear HS,
I've never met anyone who can infuriate me as much as you can. You bring out my passion (even though most of the time it's through anger and frustration!)

Dear Credit Cards,
Why do you let me use you so much, even when I have real cash that would be glad to let me use it instead? I promise to love you just as much even if you stay in my wallet.


Dear Treadmill,
I'm not too sure how to feel about our love/hate relationship. I love the fact that you're helping me get back into shape, but hate you so much that I want nothing more than to throw you from the 32nd floor of my office building, and laugh hysterically as you explode into a million tiny pieces.

Dear Bikini,
See letter above. The love/hate thing applies to you as well. Only I love you when I'm about 10 lbs. lighter, and hate you so much when I'm not I'd like to hand you over to a teething puppy.

Dear Vacation,
When are you coming? I miss you so much.

Dear Sunshine,
I am so glad to see you this morning I can hardly contain myself! It's been so long, old friend!

Dear Housework,
I'm hoping that when I get home from walking the dog, you will be all done. Hell, I'd even swallow for that.

Dear Flip-Flops,
I miss you so much it hurts. I want to go out and get a pedicure and show off my pretty, shiny toes to the world. But the snow keeps us apart.

Dear Boys,
You suck. Yet I still love you. The love/hate thing applies here once again.

Dear Paycheque,
Can you please be bigger? I really need to pay off my debts. And don't go all Mom on me and tell me if I shopped less I'd be able to do that. I don't wanna hear it.

Dear MSN Messenger,
WTF is wrong with you today? First you booted me out, and now you won't let me sign back in. What did I do? I am your most loyal user. I use you more than I actually work. Please don't do this to me. I was in the middle of a very important conversation.