The art of romance

I was talking with a good friend over the weekend, about relationships and what I'm looking for.

I used to want the total romance package....sweet nothings, flowers, thoughtful gifts, blah, blah, blah.....

Now that I almost had that, I just don't know anymore. I think I was in a relationship for so long where I had none of that, that I have become "dead" to the whole concept. It makes me gag, makes me uncomfortable, gives me the heebie jeebies.

I used to be the girl who dove right in, fell in love straight away. Now, I am the one who is running in the opposite direction as fast as my size 9's will carry me, to the safe little place I've made for myself. The place where no one can bust in and tell me they love me, where no one can tell me that I am special and deserve to be loved.

How did this happen? What brought on the fall of the ultimate, die-hard romantic? The girl who used to get giddy at love notes, stolen kisses, & promises?

I guess if you take it away from someone for long enough, they think that it ceases to exist for them.

My question is....how do I get that back? How do I learn to bask in the glow of romance when it's right in front of me? How do I learn to appreciate one of the best things that may have ever happened to me, instead of pushing it away?

Why is it that I always end up with guys who treat me poorly, when guys who wouldn't are there, waiting to whisk me away and tell me I am loved?

I'm on a mission to figure this one out...I won't be the girl who shies away from love and all that it encompasses. I will find my Prince Charming and ride into the sunset with him.....if it fucking kills me! ;O)