Baggage Claim

Most days, I don't know which way is up. The past few days have been no exception.

Fireman has been constantly calling and texting...he's been really sweet and seems to be making a huge effort for us to spend time together, but I just don't think I can go there again. It's almost as if he's realized what a mistake he's made and is trying to win me back. It's sweet to see, but I think it's the classic case of too little, too late. You had me, you could have kept me, but you lied to me, and in my world, that just doesn't fly.

On the other hand, MG#2, who I've been spending quite a bit of time with, has been nothing but honest with me from the beginning. He's dealing with some relationship issues of his own, which I've been privy to from the very beginning, and we admittedly got involved when we shouldn't have. Yet, sometimes, things like that just don't matter. Whatever it is that we have between us, it just works. We have great chemistry, we have a ton of fun when we're together, and I am so attracted to him I can barely stand it sometimes. He's told me that the feeling is very mutual. Heh.

Yes, here comes the "BUT"...emotions are starting to be involved, and right now, that's a hard pill to swallow. We decided on the weekend that it's probably for the best if we don't see each other anymore, that things need to be sorted out if there's ever a chance for anything to happen between us. Right now, we don't know if there even is that chance in a long term sense. After an hour long chat of where things were, we "broke up", pegging it as a temporary hiatus. It was a very mature conversation, which is a nice refresher for me after the last couple of guys who just decide that it's easier to run away from it all. We peppered our chat with goofy jokes to lighten the mood, but the overall sadness of it all prevailed. I didn't realize just how sad I was until I closed the door behind me and the tears were just...there. Big, shiny alligator tears, accompanied by broken little sobs, made it difficult for me to see through the windshield into the cold night.

After tossing and turning for a few hours, I fell into a restless sleep, but woke knowing that it was for the best. The baggage involved, while always a burden, is even heavier when it's still unwashed and full of sand from the previous trip.