F-word

Well, that dirty little word has been finally been uttered. The word that messes everything up and complicates the shit out of everything. That damn F word.

Yup, you know the one. Feelings.

Friday night, after a few (dozen) drinks, MG#2 and I got to chatting, and everything was put out right there on the table for all to see. He's falling, I'm falling, it's just a big old tumble to gawd knows where. It scares me, because now that it's been mentioned, the whole dynamic changes. Yet on the same hand, being a girl, a girl who has been known to have pretty strong emotions, it gives me butterflies and makes my eyes sparkle. No matter how hard I fight it this time around, it's a fluttery, sparkly, lose-your-breath kinda combo.

I can sit here and say that I am going to be careful, that I can't handle getting hurt like that again...but I'll be lying to both myself and to you. I've tried to not throw caution to the wind this time around, what with all the baggage and all, but it's been pretty frigging hard not to. We have such a great time together and the attraction is....well, let's just say it's REALLY strong.

The best part about it is that this whole F word thing has been discussed numerous times since our drunkfest...which makes it all that more difficult to act like it's not been mentioned. The tone of our conversations have changed, there's a lot more smoldery type eye contact, everything feels electric and warm and smooshy. (Ugh, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little).

I do not want to get hurt again, because there's still a chance that that's what may happen...but I'll be damned if I am going to sit here and not let any of this happen just because there's possible heartbreak in my future. I'm just not that type of person. When I feel strongly about something or someone, that's it, that's all. It takes a heck of a lot to change that.

So, I'll just fasten my seat belt and see where we go from here.