Rubbing it in

Yet another hurdle in the break-up process has been reached. The first time that one of you sleeps with someone other than the 2 of you. It's a big thing to deal with, let me tell ya.

I was the first one to reach this hurdle. He right out asked me if I had done it. We had swore to be honest with each other about this type of thing, seeing as how we were sometimes "involved" with each other still. So I was - honest, that is. He said he was cool with it. Swears up & down that he still is. Yet he's still not speaking to me.

The thing that he's mad about is apparently, I was rubbing it in his face that this had occurred. I'm not. At least I think I'm not. It's not like me to be a mean, vindictive person like he's trying to play me out as. It just is not in me. But then I stopped to think...IS it in me??

I was looking at some pictures of the HBG on the internet the other day after work with my roomie. He walked in & asked what we were doing. I kinda faltered and then told him...always be honest, remember. Ha. He thinks that I was doing this JUST to make him angry, and that I "smirked" when I told him what it was we were looking at.

I didn't.

I somewhat think that this is way of dealing with his anger and hurt over me making the first step in moving on. Turn it around and blame it on me, tell me I have no class for "rubbing it in". When I sit back and think about how I would react had the tables been turned, I wouldn't handle it as well as he did at first. How can you sit there and tell a person that you were with for 4 years, that you still love, that you're OK with them being with someone else? I call bullshit.

He still says that he's not mad that I did it, just in the way that I handled it afterwards. Um...can anyone tell me the proper way to deal with being with someone new while still living with your ex? Last I checked, Dear Abby hadn't done a column on that specific topic.

So, I figure all I can do now is let him deal with his anger in the only way he knows how...by escaping it altogether, and being mean to me. I'm just going to have to let this one "burn"...