Scientists discover new gene

Scientists have discovered a gene found in the human body that they always thought existed. The drunken phone call gene. It's found halfway between the common sense gene and the ah-screw-it gene, hidden far behind the sober gene.

When activated, usually after imbibing in three + beverages of an alcoholic nature, this gene can cause great havoc in an individual's life. It can also cause great pleasure, but this rarely happens.

This gene works best while in a cab on the way home from an evening of alcohol induced festivities. During said cab ride, a light bulb goes off in ones' head, and cell phone is pulled from pocket. Said cell phone is then used to dial one of the following numbers:

1) guy/girlfriend of a non-romantic nature
2) guy/girl who has the potential to become of romantic nature
3) guy/girl who has already been of romantic nature

In case 1, you usually wake up your non-romantic friends (the ones that are not out creating massive hangover for themselves alongside you) from a deep slumber, or leave high-pitched, incoherent messages on voice mail of sleeping friend. These messages are usually played back to you the next morning, causing even further pounding in your head when you hear the crazed screaming that is allegedly you.

In case 2, the situation gets slightly more complicated. Calling the potential romantic interest can go both ways. They may answer, speak with you, and you end up turning the cab around to head to their place for a night of drunken nooky. Wake up in morning with slight case of mortification, but you got some, so that makes it all better. If PRI does not answer your call, you face the dreaded voicemail. The "Hi, was thinking about you, so I thought I'd call, see what you were up to..." The recipient of this phone call ALWAYS knows that you are drunk. They know this as you cannot keep the slur from your voice no matter how hard you try, and the fact that it is 2:45 am points to the fact that you just stumbled out of the bar after last call. You wake up in the morning, remember with a sinking sense of dread that you called, and hope and pray that they return your call.

In case 3, nothing is good. If calling former PRI, you are either calling to yell at them, letting them know what a bleeping bleep-headed bleep they are, or you're calling for the WORST thing ever. Sex. With them. After you've broken up. And that is just not good. If they say yes, great, you got laid, but then you have all that mix of feelings again, blah, blah, blah, If they say no, then not only do you face a huge blow to your ego, but then you have the potential for a second call, to let them know what a bleeping bleep-headed bleep they are.

So, friends, I wish you luck after your next night on the town...when you're scrolling through the dialed calls on your cell phone, I pray that you are faced with case 1...or case 2 (and you're on the way home from their house, trying to find out what time exactly you dialed their number). I hope that none of you have to face case 3...

So, happy drink & dialing...I am off to the lab to find a way to get rid of this pesky gene once and for all.