My feelers are hurting

I am sad. So very sad. Today was the final step. The closure I've been looking for.

The ex has moved out. I am alone in the house with all of my feelings and memories from the past 4 years.

I knew this would happen. I knew it would suck. But now that I'm actually in the thick of it, it sucks a lot more than I thought it would.

I know it was for the best, don't get me wrong, but now it's real. It didn't go so well. After getting along so well for the past 2 weeks (scarily well, actually) we had a little blow out last night and I fear that things may be ruined. The ex that I was so looking forward to being friends with might not be my friend anymore. I hurt his feelings...unintentionally, and not quite sure how, but I did. He told me that I didn't think of his feelings through any of this, which is complete bullshit, but it still hurts me to know that all of this time he's been hurting when I thought that he was doing fine with it all. This whole time he was angry with me for pushing it in his face how well I was doing with everything and how happy I was.

I wasn't all that happy! It hurts me, too, and I hurt through it all. I just knew I needed to move on, that's all. So I started moving on. I've had my times when I've hurt so much I didn't want to face the day. 4 years of my life are now over, and with it a major chapter. Sure, things weren't always good, but there were a lot of good moments, and I learned a lot from this relationship.

And now it's over. And it sucks. And now I can grieve properly......just the way I was supposed to when we split more than 3 months ago. I wish I had done it then and not have to do it now. But, that's life, and I will step past this obstacle as well.

I'm going to sit on the couch and watch chick flicks, nurse my hangover, and cry for what was.

Thank you for everything you've taught me over the years, and please know that I did not mean to hurt you, and I hope that you will be a friend again soon.